beccagoesb00m

So when in doubt...kiss Craig?!

2008-07-10T06:27:54Z

Type your cut contents here.

Name: Rebeccah Nickname(s)?: Becca, Bec, Bexs, B, Thing 1 Age: 16 Occupation: upcoming junior (: Strengths: good at expressing myself, can read fast, good at calming people down, finding the positive in every situation Weaknesses: can be a little sensitive, don't really think about what I say before I say it, self-esteem 3 Favorite Books: HUUUUGE fan of Harry Potter, Megan Meade's Guide to the McGowan Boys, and of course, Twilight. 3 Favorite Movies: Dirty Dancing 2, The Little Mermaid, Harry Potter 3 Favorite Musicians/Bands: Metro Station, Rihanna, Colbie Caillat 3 Heroes: My mom. Most definetely. Describe yourself in 3 Words: caring, impulsive, intelligent Introvert or Extrovert?: I can appear as an introvert at first...but once you get to know me, I'm not really a quiet person. Hard Worker or Layabout (or somewhere in between)?: Hard worker. Are you the leader type?: No. I'm happy following someone else. Are you adept at raising others' spirits?: Yes. I've been told I have a very calming personality. Do you consider yourself popular?: Not really. I keep to myself a lot but the friends I do have all love me, so I'm happy with that. People who first meet you probably think you are: Very shy, very timid. How do you handle high-pressure situations?: I take one step at a time until I have reached a rational decision, or I just push forward and do my best. Are you self-motivated, or do you rely on the encouragement of others?: I hate to say it, but I do rely a lot on people to encourage me along in my goals. Do you work through unpleasant situations for your own satisfaction, or to prove yourself to others?: A little bit of both. I'm mostly doing it for myself, but it does feel good to say "HA!" to other people when I'm finished. (: :: DEGRASSI: THE NEXT GENERATION RELATED QUESTIONS :: Favorite Degrassi character? Why?: Emma. I don't at all relate to her, and sometimes she can annoy me with her decisions and actions but at the end of the day, I'm really rooting for her because she's just one of those characters that has a good heart with good intentions. Favorite Episode/Part/Scene? Why? I looove White Wedding. The kiss at the end, between Emma and Sean? Priceless. They are my favorite couple on the show, I'm just waiting for them to get married and it was just so sweet. Which character do you most relate to, personally? Why?: I think lately, I've been mostly relating to Paige. She's very blunt, she often says cruel things without really meaning to, but she has a very big heart. She doesn't take crap from anyone and I admire that she's been through so many things and can still do that infamous Paige Michalchuck smirk and have people envy her. Do you have a favorite Degrassi quote? Please share: The whole Manny and the stripper thing. My second favorite character would have to be Manny, because she just has the best/funniest/cutest lines and the stripper thing had me and my friend laughing hysterically. I you could do one thing over spring break with your Degrassi pals, what would it be? Dream big!: Have a one night hookup with Sean. Ooh. La. La. When you graduate, the first thing you're going to do is: Take a roadtrip with my friends and bring many cameras, many video cameras, and probably cry. A lot. Please Post at Least One Clear Picture of Yourself, or Give us a Description of How You Look:

beccagoesb00m @ 2008-07-06T23:21:00

2008-07-07T03:25:38Z

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

[Chorus:]
We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's
Supposed to happen that we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

[Chorus]

When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
when you need to find the strength
It's the faith that makes you stronger
The only way you get there
Is one step at a time

[Chorus x2]

Today was pretty fun. Hung out with Morgan and Becka, broke the car door handle off my car. And it WASN'T my fault. My car is turning out to be an old piece of junk. Too bad I love it like crazy. I still need to give it a name. I was gonna name it 'Dude', but only Morgan and maybe Becka if she remembers would understand, and I wouldn't feel like explaining that I named my car off a guy from a television series.
No matter how awesome he was.

So we watched a movie, gorged out on pizza, and tanned at my house for approximately five minutes. I wish I could write a more detailed entry but my day was ok. I spent it with my two best friends and the only bad thing was my all out war with gramma. Whatever. She can act like a five year old for all I care, I'M not worrying about it.

beccagoesb00m @ 2008-07-04T00:04:00

2008-07-04T04:08:02Z

lena said it the best in the sisterhood movie.

Lena: [in her letter, after Kostas accuses her of being afraid to love him] He's right, Car. I am afraid. There's a part of me that wants to let him in but then I feel myself put this wall up and I don't understand why. Maybe that's what strikes me most about Kostas: that despite everything he's suffered he can still look at life in the most uncomplicated way. I've never known that kind of faith. It makes me so sad that people like Kostas and Bridget who have lost everything can still be open to love... while I, who have lost nothing, am not.

what am i so afraid of?
what am i hiding from?
why do i care SO much what people think of me?
i shouldn't.
so i'm making a pact. right here, right now to stop.
start living my life for me.

beccagoesb00m @ 2008-06-30T00:43:00

2008-06-30T04:51:41Z

my plan to take pictures EVERY DAY of this summer has failed. bombed. finitoo.
because i've had some boring days. these definetely need to change. i'm tired of sitting at home, having my mom tell me to get active. uhh i would if you know, i actually had some PLANS.
but i guess its my fault as well.

i have to call subway at 9:00 to find out if i got the job.
god, stressed much?

i had a panic attack tonight.
can you believe i actually get those? it's insane. i remember one time in school, we had this huge english castle project due and becka&morgan played a little PRANK on me, telling me they left it at home. yeah. i had a panic attack. couldn't breathe, for what seemed like five hours and i kept wheezing. i felt a little stupid afterwards, when they told me they were just joking.
but i can't believe i get freaking panic attacks.

i'm learning a lot about me this summer.
like, i used to think i was weak. that i let people walk all over me.
but this year? no. i've stood up. i've fought. and for once, i felt like i was strong. like i could handle things.
maybe not all my goals are being accomplished....but i am finding myself.

beccagoesb00m @ 2008-06-27T20:55:00

2008-06-28T00:57:13Z

i'm so nervous.
i shouldn't be.
but my stomach is practically gnawing and tumbling and turning.
i feel like i'm about to scream.

an interview at subway at 8:30.
it's just a job. they'll train me.
but for some idiotic reason, i am nervous as fucking hell.

beccagoesb00m @ 2008-06-20T15:52:00

2008-06-20T19:52:52Z

why do i always do this?
all. the. time.

beccagoesb00m @ 2008-06-05T19:39:00

2008-06-05T23:44:12Z

I HAD THE BEST FIRST DAY OF SUMMER EVER.

Seriously.
Slept in till 10.
Got a smoothie with Becka around 10 30.
Went to go take my CPT test with Morgan around 1.
And then we went back to Dunkin Donuts where silly Morgan accidentally ordered an iced LATTEE, not an iced coffee. So it wasn't free. Oh well. It was tres yummy. (:
And split a sub with Morgan.
Then went back home and worked out FOR AN HOUR.
I felt so good getting off it. Really good.

Now I'm sitting here, getting ready to upload some photos to my computer. Me, Becka, and Morgan are going to do a whole collage of Summer '08: Best Summer EVER. Mine's going to be an album on Myspace. I already have 3 photos.
:)
I'm just so excited for this upcoming summer. It's going to be amazing.

And tommorow, I have my job with Morgan. I HAVE A JOB.
Becka, sorry, I didn't come to church tonight. I'm actually not feeling so hot, so I didn't go to Morgans either. She's a wee bit pissed with me. =/
Hopefully, she'll be fine tommorow.

Ahh. Now I'm gonna just go piddle around on the computer.
:)

beccagoesb00m @ 2008-05-31T16:21:00

2008-05-31T20:24:15Z

I'm so bored.
I planned on spending Saturday (today) with my mom, and instead, my gramma keeps stealing her away.
I know, I know, that sounds petty and childish. I just feel like I haven't had a proper chance to talk to my mom or spend time with her because my gramma keeps butting in, with her complaints of how sick she is, or how mad she is about my dad or her niece, or complaining that she is SO tired and her memory just keeps disappearing. I feel like shouting, "That's because you're OLD!"

But that wouldn't be nice.
It's hard to feel sorry for her because my granny never complains. Ever. She's a tough cookie and I completely respect her.

Ack.
At least I'm getting a tan.
And I've been sticking to my workout routine. Yay me! -pats self on back-

I sound really perky, when I feel dull.
There's just nothing to DO, not until June 5th. Not until I have guranteed freedom.

beccagoesb00m @ 2008-05-26T21:56:00

2008-05-27T01:58:15Z

WHAT THE FUCK.
i've been working so hard in math lately! getting a's and b's to raise my D.
and now i have a D+. oh thanks a LOT miss cologne.

i'm just going to throw myself into math.
as torturous as that sounds....
aaaaaaah.

i need at least a B there.
and work a little bit harder in science. raise my c+ to a b.

aaaaaah.
school is dumb. i'm so glad summer is only a week (?) away.

beccagoesb00m @ 2008-05-24T16:10:00

2008-05-24T20:15:48Z

sometimes i feel like i'm wasting my life away.
like, i haven't experienced anything that everyone else has yet. or maybe i never will.

i'm so hungry lately but when i do eat, my stomach hurts and i can practically see my jeans getting tighter on me.
i went into my bathroom and after eating a piece of cake, i leaned over the toilet and tried to throw it up. nothing came out. i felt sick, and not just from doing that. i stayed in there and cried for about a hour. i turned the faucet on so it would seem like i was taking a shower.

this summer, i've made so many claims. what if i don't follow up with them? what if i don't return for my school new year, tanned and skinny?
i just want my family to be proud of me. for my mom. my friends. for them to look at me and not feel ashamed. be proud to say they know me.
i wish i could get rid of this empty feeling. i wish i could stop feeling this way, to feel happy and content with what i have,
i wish i didn't care about what other people thought of me. i don't belong at SRHS. sometimes, i feel like i don't even belong with my family.

all the time i hear, "becca, you're too sensitive. you care too much. you're not trying hard enough."
i'm trying really hard.

really, really hard.

beccagoesb00m @ 2008-05-19T21:43:00

2008-05-20T01:55:22Z

i don't know what to do anymore.
school is ending soon...but it's dragging on for me. i am practically counting down to june 4th. and this stupid DATA project is on my back. i messed it up, i'm nervous about presenting it...but why? i won't see this kids next year. i'll be in a whole new school. why do i care what their last opinions of me are?
next year, 11th grade, i'll be someone they won't recongize.
and that's what keeps me going to school. the promise of the most amazing summer ever.

i have been putting job applications in like crazy, and i have a feeling i'll get lucky. now i just hope i didn't jinx it.
whenever i say my life is going pretty good, i always end up crying into my pillow days later. so i'll just say, i'm going to make sure my summer goes amazing.
even if that means i make myself walk around the block all day because no one else can hang, i'll do it. get lost in my iPod and lose myself in my neighborhood.
you can see beauty in every situation.

You have enormous untapped power
you'll probably never tap, because
most people never run far enough on
their first wind to ever find they have a second.
++William James

beccagoesb00m @ 2008-05-15T19:36:00

2008-05-15T23:39:45Z

my throat hurts.
i missed chorus practice, and mrs. harvey is going to kill me.
i completely forgot about it. i fell asleep and only remembered when becka reminded me.
i just felt too bad to stay for five hours.

i have this sinking feeling i'm failing school.
i just want to make my mom proud. i really do.
i work so hard, and i get a D in math and now, a C in chorus or whatever.
i mean, failing chorus? how lame is that?

i guess i'll just tell my mom the truth and she'll call mrs. harvey to explain.
if only i hadn't missed the other practice too....

SHIT!

|| ECCLESIASTES 11:5 ||
As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.
new international version

beccagoesb00m @ 2008-05-14T17:05:00

2008-05-14T21:08:52Z

You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright
You'll be alright

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you stand
Then you stand

Life's like a novel with the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon with only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you stand (then you stand)
Yea, then you stand (then you stand)

Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place, yea
Ooohhh

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you stand (then you stand)
Then you stand (then you stand)
Yea, then you stand (then you stand)
Yea (then you stand)
Ohhh (then you stand)
Ohhh (then you stand)
Ohhh (then you stand)
Ohhh (then you stand)
Then you stand

i got into charter. :D

|| PROVERBS 31:30 ||
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
new international version

++

beccagoesb00m @ 2008-05-08T15:56:00

2008-05-08T19:58:35Z

I GOT INTO CHARTER!

i'm so happy.
:DDDDDDD

i was just realizing today.
even if my friends decide not to go, i'll be fine.
i want them to join me so badly, so i'll have the comfort of at least knowing a few people there.

but if they don't, it'll be fine.
i'll be fine.

|| COLOSSIANS 4:5-6 ||
Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.
new living translation

oh, and p.s.
i love gossip girl.
:D

beccagoesb00m @ 2008-05-04T21:48:00

2008-05-05T01:54:49Z

i get mad when people don't talk to me when really, it's me that pushed them away.
i don't mean to be anti-social.
i've been alone for so long, it almost feels weird to have company.

my lips are incredibly chapped and it's pissing me off.
i went to unscrew my chapstick today and the lip just popped off, flying somewhere. i didn't feel like finding it.

this entire weekend, my mom has been extra hard on me. like, everything that i do bothers her. i don't really get it, but whatever.
i ate a big bowl of ice cream in my bath tonight. this is disgusting. i have no willpower, and yet i complain when i can't fit into my jeans.

i miss feeling normal.
i'm doing it all over again--spending way too much time on my computer.
i thought i had this solved.
damnit.

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs--ask yourself
what makes you come alive, and then do it. Because
what the world needs is people who have come alive."
++Harold Thurman Whitman

beccagoesb00m @ 2008-05-03T22:55:00

2008-05-04T02:58:48Z

i really thought my mom would dislike juno.
but she laughed the entire way through.
she surprises me, sometimes.

gosh, i've been in such a weird mood today.
and it's the second time i've skipped my workout. i'll start again tommorow.

i feel so heavy all the time.
like, continously stuffed. even when i'm not eating.
it's too weird and it makes me totally self-conscious.
i hate it.

i have a cramp in my neck. i wish rupert grint was here to massage it.
errrrm. i mean.

"Love the animals, love the plants, love everything.
If you love everything, you will precieve the divine
mystery in things. Once you precieve it, you will
begin to comprehend it better everyday. And you
will come at last to love the whole world with an
all-embracing love."
++Fyodor Dostoyevsky

my chapsticks all gone. i keep wanting to peel my lip. that sounds gross.

beccagoesb00m @ 2008-04-30T15:52:00

2008-04-30T19:59:00Z

i am a writer.

i will never stop being a writer.
whenever i see something, i describe it in my mind.
when i'm talking, there's a pen scribbling down words inwardly.

his mouth twisted into an angry grimace, practically spitting out his words but they didn't touch her. she couldn't see his eyes, but she could tell they were wild under those black sunglasses. she had taken those sunglasses once and had put them on, taking funny pictures with her old friends.
she instantly quieted and turned her face to the side, letting the sunshine warm her. her lips trembled, and she tried very, very hard not to let the tears fall just yet.

my eye hurts.
i have a counselor appointment at 5.
and i really, really want it to be summer.

|| PSALM 118:5 ||
In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free.

You cannot go on 'explaining away' forever: you will
find that you have explained explanation itself away.
You cannot go on 'seeing through' things for ever.
The whole point of seeing through something is to see
something through it."
++C.S. Lewis

beccagoesb00m @ 2008-04-24T17:33:00

2008-04-24T21:34:10Z

today, i think i handled myself very maturely.
i feel like i finally stood up for myself.

for becka <3

2008-04-20T01:25:37Z

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Dont be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
cause Ive seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You dont know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

Ill stand by you
Ill stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you
Ill stand by you

So if youre mad, get mad
Dont hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well Im a lot like you
When youre standing at the crossroads
And dont know which path to choose
Let me come along
cause even if youre wrong

Ill stand by you
Ill stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you
Ill stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And Ill never desert you
Ill stand by you

And when...
When the night falls on you, baby
Youre feeling all alone
You wont be on your own

Ill stand by you
Ill stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you

Ill stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And Ill never desert you
Ill stand by you
Ill stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you
Ill stand by you
Wont let nobody hurt you
Ill stand by you

cheesy, i know. oh well. (: <3!

beccagoesb00m @ 2008-04-14T21:34:00

2008-04-15T01:36:54Z

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

i bolded every part that reminded me of myself.
it's the entire song.

beccagoesb00m @ 2008-04-02T21:29:00

2008-04-03T01:30:05Z

You know where I accepted Jesus?

In my shower, naked, while it was running freezing cold over my sunburn.

beccagoesb00m @ 2008-03-29T23:12:00

2008-03-30T03:15:40Z

Today was really, really fun. My dad is finally out of the house...and just like that, the tension is gone. I feel lighter and happier, more free. I feel hopeful.

Driving in Morgan's convertible is always fun...My hair was flying everywhere, Papa Roach was playing and the sun was slowly setting. The wind was heavy and I waved my arms in the air, letting out a scream I had always held back, afraid of what others would think.
It's just freedom.

And I'm loving every minute of it.
Oh crap. I forgot my job application in Morgan's car, haha. Oh well.

Then Orlando Bloom. He's my bootycall. (: I'll marry Rupert Grint, but keep Orlando on the side. YESSSS.

I think things are going to turn around very soon. And we have 290546877 more days of Spring Break left. Ok, not really but it's just the beginning.
SPRING BREAK '08 will rule.

beccagoesb00m @ 2008-03-28T16:13:00

2008-03-28T20:14:32Z

BECKA IF YOU ARE READING THIS PLEASEEEEEE CALL ME

beccagoesb00m @ 2008-03-21T13:31:00

2008-03-21T17:42:19Z

Well, last night was fun.
It had its highlights and its lowlights, but for the most part, I enjoyed myself.

My gramma came in and just gave me 10 dollars for Easter.
April 1st will be good for all of us; I just know it. We can go forward to the life we deserve.

I want to go back to the time when us three were happy with each other; *talking about friends, not family*. In the beginning, we all got along and we all laughed and I felt like for once I was part of that friendship you only read about it in books or songs. You know, the 'we'll stay up with each other all night as we cry', 'we'll laugh till our stomachs bursts', 'we'll have our secret language and just know what each other is thinking'.

Well, now I feel like all we ever do is fight or get angry. And I don't know why. I hate it, I miss how it used to be. Morgan's constantly aggravated or irritated by something, especially if it doesn't go her way. You can't say anything to her because she'll snap at you and her words are harsh. You feel like screaming, "Stop being such a bitch!" but in the end, it would just be your fault because you're "overreactive about anything she says".

And then you remember that she was the one to squeeze your hand while you went up in the Ferris Wheel, understanding how scared you were by heights.
I think she's spoiled. No, she is spoiled. And she's used to getting her own way; people think I'M spoiled, but I'm really not. Sure, I get what I ask for sometimes but that doesn't mean I always expect it to happen. I just feel like, in this friendship, if it's not Morgan's way, we're all going to be miserable.

Why can't we just all get along, equally, and just have fun without all this added extra bonus stuff? We don't need alcohol, we don't need cigarettes, we don't even need a huge crowd. We can just sit around, laughing, and have fun. Or, at least, I can. It's extremely nice when we're doing something fun, like running around at the fair, but I can also have fun simply just sitting on a bed and talking.

I tried to be casual last night. I had to be home by a certain time, but I tried not to push anyone. I wasn't offended when Becka ran off and I tried to tell Morgan that she just did that; you know, it's who she is. A rambunctius little skinny thing (: And that's not me. I'm more low-key and casual and quiet. I can just chill. But there's nothing wrong with being a group; I mean, I had a lot of fun with the group last night. I talked to people I've never talked to before.

So it'd be nice to, for once, not be yelled at, or be ignored, or be pushed aside. Just remember that I'm always here, while your other friends may take off on you.

Yeah. I don't ask you to change, so don't ask me to.

beccagoesb00m @ 2008-03-17T17:45:00

2008-03-17T21:46:36Z

i don't care anymore.
i'm done.
seriously, i am.

i'm done trying to be better.
what the fuck ever.
i'll say what i want to say, when i want to say it.

peace.